I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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