she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Someone signed my nipple.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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