Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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