It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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