umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
why is half of my head shaved?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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