Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
