I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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