Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
