EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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