I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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