Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
