Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize