every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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