I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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