Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
