i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
