The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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