She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
