I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
