so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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