peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
