Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
