if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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