im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
