Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need a beard to bite.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize