i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
