Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
