You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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