Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
