you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
