I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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