ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
