i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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