I smell stomach acid.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
