This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
