i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
