Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
