if i can run in heels then i can drive
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
And then he peed in my hair
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