new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
