I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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