Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
