You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
