can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
