my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
