Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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