Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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