I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
