Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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