i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
