i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize