how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
