I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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