It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize