she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
