just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
