There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
