Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
