Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
