i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize