I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
