He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
