So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
