Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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