so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
