Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
