Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize