Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
