grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
