K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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