it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
