never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
