If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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