She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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