i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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