he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize