My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
